what i felt..

being me these few days..

Just felt..something just not feels right.. And i don't know why..
Tak sedap hati,resah,gelisah.
And i can't sleep.. There's something going on.. But i don't know what it is..
I am still figureing out..
Thinkin and praying to Him that wish He could show something to me..tell me something..

Worrying bout my studies these few days..and started to feels such a looser that i haven't finished my diploma yet..and my friends are.. And im the one who gets to collage 1 year ahead..and im not finish yet.. Letting my mom down and she always praying for me.. Wish and telling me everytime she got the time that she really wanted me to be her 1st daughter to be an engineer.. She really wanted me to finished my studies.. She really wanted to send me to studies somewhere oversea.. Out of the country.. And im scared if i let her down..
I scared to let her down..
I wish sometimes that i am smarter then now..
Damn i am so fucking slow on studies.. While some of my friends find it just ok..and i find it so hard..
I tried to fix my self these few days..
I've been down..and i don't know why..

I have a lots of excuses..
I don't have lots of friends..
I just don't get along with people sometimes..
I don't have friends that i can study together with..
I don't have friends who wanted to go class with me..or call me to go class with..
If i have pon..just for a while..
I just can't handle these course that im taken for these 3 years..
I am too playful..
Its just that i don't have friends that i could refer to or ask for..a favour or..yeah

im just scared if i let her down.. I could just take a simple course.. But then.. Its a life..

Been type for a while..
Suddenly my words that i typed just vanish just like that.. Damn..
I hate when that happenes..

Sometimes i wish i could be better..smarter then i am now.. I am so jealous that some people could just learned just for one time..and me,i am such a looser.. Thousands for questions i would ask.. That i don't know..its a stupid ques..that even someone who just learned would not ask something like that.. Its a basic.. Damn.. I wish that i could have some weed..when and everytimes i have to go to class.. I would remember and understand every single thing..

Wish i could have a friends always take care of me.. Always advise to me to go to class.. Scold me if i don't go..
Some one to refer to..
Someone that is a hardworking..
That usually go to class.. Haih~

But that just a wish..

I wish that sometimes my life would be like the novels that i read,the comic books..manga and sorts of things.. How romantic..how strong..tough..cry.. not every ending is happy.. But at least it was ok..

Hum.. Its 8 in the morning.. And still..i can't sleep.. Typing nonsense..

Still..feeling that i would let my mom down.. And i don't wana..
Damn.. Sometimes i don't know what to do..

Hum.. Its a love life maybe..
Not that romantic nemore..
Or maybe just me.. Hum..
Damn..! Everything is confusing..

Sometimes..

Hum.. Damn.. I misses my dad..
I wish he could be like every dad that i know.. Its been few years i didn't see him..i missed hugging him..
I am so jealous with all of my friends that have a dad..that always called..text.. Always ask where,how.have eaten yet..or not..
I've never spend time with him..i could hardly remember a thing that i have a quality time with him..
I've never gone fishing with him.. Shopping..out or whatever..
I am not that manja with my mom..
Damn..yeah.. While typing.. I cried.. I misses him..so much..